Greed, Obstruction, Perfidy
The racism, fascism, and treason of the GOP is creating a stench the entire world is noticing.
I met with a Republican who told me to remain calm. “First,” he said, “there is no truth to the rumor that GOP stands for greed, obstruction, and perfidy.”
“No?” I asked.
“GOP stands for goodness, Jesus, and prosperity.”
“That acronym would be GJP,” I pointed out.
“The ‘o’ is for Original Jesus,” he said. “It’s part of the love we have for everyone.”
“Not everyone,” I replied.
“Everyone who represents the goodness of America,” he said. “The GOP wants to bring Americans together and move this great country forward.”
“Forward? Some of your policies are more like 1933 than 2023,” I pointed out.
“Yes,” he said with a reassuring smile. “The GOP is taking the best of the past and adding it to the better stuff of the present to create a super future for Americans.”
“You mean for white Americans,” I said.
“What other kinds of Americans are there?” he asked.
“Look, there are important issues here,” I said. “GOP policies reject racial equality. GOP policies reject fair taxation. GOP policies restrict equal access to voting. GOP policies harm millions of—”
“Wait! Wait just a minute!” he protested. “As a Christian party, our priorities are from the Bible. ‘Beware the brown of skin.’ ‘Refraineth from the payeth of onerous taxation.’ ‘Smite the media who dare to smeareth our dear leaders.’ And let’s not forget: ‘Keepeth thy womenfolk unshod and with child but always silent, especially after the laying on of hands in the nether regions.’ Important policies.”
“None of that is scripture, and it is all cow manure,” I pointed out.
“One’s man’s manure is another man’s fertilizer,” he said with a smirk.
“Whoa,” I said. “Okay, tell me about the income inequality you support.”
“Sure,” he said. “The economic foundation of any prosperous society finds some people at the top of the income scale, some people at the bottom of the income scale, and some people in-between. The GOP follows this natural order of things.”
“The GOP believes that where you are on the income scale is where you’ll stay?”
“Not necessarily. You could win the lottery. Plus, with hard work and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, there is no limit to what you can accomplish.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. “What are bootstraps?”
“It has something to do with getting carried interest deductions and low-interest loans from right-wing banks.”
“What about people not having enough money for food, shelter, education, insurance, and healthcare?” I asked.
“I never had any problems like that,” he said. “Dad always paid up on time.”
“Let’s talk about jobs,” I said.
“We are in favor of Americans having jobs,” he said.
“Perhaps you could give a few details,” I suggested.
“Good-paying jobs, great jobs, the best jobs!” he said.
“I mean, do you have any examples?”
“Jobs where you contribute to society and stay out of trouble and support Conservatism and vote for the Republican Party and earn lots of money. Success and jobs for every real American,” he said smugly.
“What about the threat to humanity posed by climate change? By denying climate change, you’re holding back the new jobs that could emerge in alternative energy sources,” I said.
“We are against the whole climate change hoax because we don’t want to help the Chinese,” he said with an admonishing frown.
“That makes no sense,” I said.
“We’re like the Charles Lindbergh committee in the 1940s because we are for America First,” he said with a reassuring smile.
“But at the expense of the world.”
“We’ll eventually own the world.”
“That’s ominous,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Let’s look at a government program that works really well: Medicare. Why is the GOP against Medicare?”
“It’s a question of allocating resources,” he replied. “When a government program costs too much, it has to be cut.”
“But then a lot of people will die,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but these are old people,” he said.
“Wow, GOP views are disgusting.”
“Not at all,” he said. “It’s a simple matter of doing a cost/benefit analysis. We ran the numbers and found that wealthy Americans and big corporations just can’t afford it.”
“You mean they don’t want to afford it, and so the GOP keeps cutting taxes on the wealthy and corporations.”
“Exactly,” he said with a reassuring smile. “I can promise the American people that the GOP has the best outcomes in mind.”
“Best for who?”
“Best for the people who really count. Look, someone like you has nothing to worry about.”
“You mean because I’m an over-45-year-old angry white guy?”
“Correct. You’ll do fine, just fine.”
“Okay, let me sum up here,” I said. “Basically, the only groups who have to be worried about the GOP are women, students, seniors, veterans, the sick, the disabled, Jews, blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, atheists, agnostics, progressives, liberals, the poor, and the middle class.”
“Exactly,” the Republican said. “The GOP is going to make it rough for those people. Everyone else will be great again.”
Perfect!